When we become parents of twins, we face a shift. A season of change.
If you're going from having zero children to having twins, you're facing a big change and accepting the responsibility that comes with bringing two humans into this world.
If you've already had a single child or two and are welcoming multiples into the fold, you're facing the reality that it's going to be very different from what you're used to this time around.
Because we're not just becoming parents; we're becoming parents of two children who are going to be going through their developmental milestones together, at the same time, and are going to want and need you at the same time when you're only one person who can only do so much at once.
When people find out you're expecting twins, or when they see you trying to manage two newborns out in public, one of the most common things they'll say is, "You've got your hands full."
Unless they've had twins of their own, they have no idea.
Unless they've had twins of their own, they have no idea.
They might tell you their friend or sibling is the one who had twins and they know what it's like to have twins by association. They do not.
They can guess, but they would likely underestimate just how much there is to manage.
And this isn't a knock against people who don't have multiples. It's simply a case of, "You truly don't know until you've lived it."
Just like I could try to guess how much work it would be to have triplets or quadruplets. I would assume, based on what I know about having twins of my own, that triplets are probably about seven times the work it is to have a singleton, and having quadruplets is probably about 11 times the work of having just one.
Yet, I would truly have no idea unless I'd had a set and been through those circumstances myself, and, frankly, any parents of triplets, quadruplets, or even-higher-order multiples, would probably tell me to go fly a kite if I mentioned one word about how much work it is to have two at the same time.
Yes, having twins means having two babies, but there's so much more that you don't come to understand until you're in the throes of raising your twins.
It's having not one but two screaming babies at times when you can only soothe them so quickly.
It's you and your partner both getting high decibel / loud environment notices on your phone or smartwatch when both twins are majorly frustrated about something that's probably out of everybody's control.
It's deciding, for probably that whole first year or even 18 months, not to go out, unless absolutely necessary—even when you really want to—because the thought of doing everything to get ready, times two, with such a short wake window, leaves almost no time once you're out the door to do the actual activity you've been invited to.
It's negotiating and compromising, times two, and still somehow not always being able to meet in the middle. (But when you do get everyone on board, those are major wins.)
It's missing out on certain things, no matter how hard you try, for unexpected reasons. Like, not being able to hear your babies' first words or attempts at words because their twin sibling suddenly started yelling over top of them.
It's missing out on certain bonding moments because you're always on patrol. Like, when you go to sit down and play with them, but then have to run away because their twin sibling started toddling at lightning-speed toward danger when you finally let your guard down.
It's hoping you're stimulating their minds enough when your attention is constantly divided between their competing wants and needs.
It's trying so hard to hear what one toddler is saying while their twin sibling is trying, just as animatedly, to tell you something that's also super important to them, at the exact same time, and then failing to hear both messages in their entirety, despite wanting to be able to sit down and have a conversation with your toddlers, who have so many interesting questions they'd like answers to.
It's trying to get a picture of them both smiling while they're doing something cute, and right as you go to hit the shutter button, they yell "Run away, cheese!" and are both blurs who are running out of frame before you manage to get the shot.
It's trying to give them experiences you expect other children must have. Like, attempting to do crafts you see parents of single children doing, and then failing, because right as you're trying to explain how to do something, one twin rips their sibling's paper, knocks their project over, scribbles over their drawing, or crumples their materials.
But it's also pivoting when these moments happen and trying to find the lesson or the positive in it all. Like, appreciating the fact that we got outside, enjoyed some fresh air, and collected leaves together for our project.
When you find the sparkle in those positive moments, then things are doubly great.
It's two little voices telling you to have a fun day when you drop them off at preschool.
Two unique personalities that shine through in everything they do.
Two curious minds asking you how your day's going.
Two sets of lungs squealing with joy when they see your car pull into the driveway.
Two sets of legs racing as fast as they can to the door to greet you when you walk inside.
Two sets of arms giving you the strongest hugs that warm your soul in a way that only they can.
Two sets of snuggles when it's time to wind down.
Two tired yawns after a day full of running around.
Two people you're excited to watch grow and make their mark on this world, through all the seasons of change.
From one parent of twins to another, when you become a parent of twins, be ready.
For the shift. For the season of change. For the things you don't know are coming.
Yes, there are doubly exhausting things.
But there are also doubly extraordinary things that not everybody gets to witness.
If you're lucky enough to have a front-row seat in those moments, they'll make your heart swell and lead you through the unexpected times that are yet to come.
As a parent of twins, what is your biggest piece of advice for those who are expecting twins of their own? Let us know in the Comments section below or connect with us on Instagram to share your thoughts!
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