If you're a parent of twins and you've tried to go to the grocery store or run some errands with your doubles in tow, you probably understand the reactions people have when they run into you "in the wild."
They always do a double-take. Their eyes go wide. And they inch closer.
There's just something about twins; seeing two people who look the same standing side by side—or sitting two-up in a cart, wagon, or stroller. People can't help but stare in awe.
And, then, the questions come. Sometimes, just one. Sometimes, several.
These are real questions I've actually been asked while I've been out and about with my own twins:
- "Which one's the evil one?" They're both very sweet.
- "Which one's the happier one?" They're both very happy.
- "Which one's the smarter one?" They're both very smart.
- "Which one's more outgoing?" It depends on what they're doing.
- "How do you tell them apart?" We're their parents, we can just tell. In the early days, they had more than a pound difference in weight, so that was easy, but once they evened out, if we ever did a double-take, we had to use the vein patterns on their heads to tell them apart.
- "Are they identical?" Yes.
- "What if they got mixed up at the hospital?" They were each given labeled toques as soon as they were delivered. Plus, with their significant weight difference, there was no mistaking who was Baby A and who was Baby B.
- "Do twins run in your family?" Yes, fraternal twins run on Mom's side of the family, and identical twins, while they're supposed to be spontaneous and happen by chance, seem to run on Dad's side of the family.
- "What if you have more twins?" We'll love them—and we'll need a bigger vehicle.
- "Do they get along?" They're like all siblings. They usually get along, but they also have their little disagreements every now and then.
That last question, though, "Do they get along?" got me thinking.
As a parent of multiples, you might be wondering what your twins' relationship will be like when they're older. If they'll be friends when they grow up. Or if they'll hate being a twin. Or if there really is such a thing as twin telepathy.
Love it or hate it
As a twin myself, let me tell you, I was not a huge fan of my twin status being announced upon meeting my new teacher every year. It made me feel like the only "important" thing for people to know about me was that I was a twin, when that was only a small part of my identity and there was so much more to know about me than that.
As a kid, you don't fully understand the reasoning behind what you feel is unnecessary sharing.
As an adult, I now recognize why my parents made sure my teachers always knew I was a twin; they wanted to make sure each of our unique needs were being met and that we weren't automatically lumped into the same category because we were the same age and had the same last name.
Now, when I meet new people, one of the first things I tell people is that I'm a twin. Because it IS pretty cool, and I do love that we have so many sets of twins in our family. Being a twin myself, and an auntie to twins, and a mother to our twin sons is incredibly special.
Twin telepathy vs. the twin bond
If you're a twin, have twins in your family, or have met twins somewhere along the way, you've probably been asked, heard them be asked, or asked them yourself, "Can you read each other's minds?"
As a multiple myself, I have certainly been asked more than once if I can read my brother's mind.
While I don't know how, where, or when the Twin Telepathy myth was borne, I do know that we, as twins, can't actually read each other's minds. We do not have literal psychic abilities.
Can we tell if the other one is feeling down? Sure.
But that's just observational behavior of someone who I'm close to and who I've had many shared experiences with. It's not because I felt my sibling's feelings or heard their thoughts as if they were my own.
There is, however, a unique bond that twins can have with one other. This goes back to my shared experiences comment. While we're fraternal twins, we grew up in an identical environment, from a shared womb to a shared room, and spending that much time with someone helps you grow very close to one another.
Sometimes, when I'm with my twin, I can pick up on imperceptible signs others don't notice if something is bugging them.
Or, if I'm not with them and am doing something on my own, I might randomly just get a feeling about my twin, where I can just sense something isn't the status quo, so it makes me check in with them to make sure everything's alright when I have no other reason to.
No matter how close or far apart we are as we get older, no matter where our lives take us as we continue to grow, this special bond we share as twins endures.
Chance vs. choice
Being a twin happens totally by chance. Being friends with your twin happens totally by choice.
When your twins are young, they grow together (in size and in heart), and as they get older, they may grow apart.
As they reach their formative years, your twins might seek distance from each other (with separate groups of friends or extracurricular activities) in order to find themselves and embrace their own identities.
That's perfectly normal, should they choose separate paths or groups of friends. They may eventually make their way back to one another as they get older.
At the end of the day, you have to remember that even though your kids are twins, they're also their own people.
At the end of the day, you have to remember that even though your kids are twins, they're also their own people.
While it would be great for your twins to be best friends forever (and some sets of twins certainly do become inseparable, which is magnificent and spectacularly special to witness), the reality is they may not be as close as you'd like them to be.
As their parents, you have to be prepared to accept that possibility and be ready to let them both grow, even if that means they grow apart.
There could be so many reasons why your twins end up being fabulous friends...or simply siblings.
Do they have common interests? Maybe one's more into arts and the other is more into sports. Having different interests isn't a bad thing; embracing their differences is what helps them grow and figure out who they are and what they strive for.
Foundation for friendship
One thing that might play a role in how close your own twins might be when they're older is whether they're identical or fraternal.
Some studies show that identical twins (who share up to 100 percent of their DNA) tend to have a closer bond in adulthood because they're genetically more similar than fraternal siblings, who share only 50 percent of their DNA (the same amount of DNA that would be shared if they were regular, non-twin siblings who were born during separate pregnancies).
But even when identical twins share almost the exact same DNA, environmental factors, like diet, stress, or lifestyle, lead to epigenetic changes, contributing to their personal differences, unique personalities, and individual preferences, including who they bring into their inner circle as they grow.
Plus, identical twins have a more difficult time than, say, fraternal twins in defining their own identity that is separate from the person who looks, well, identical to them. Trying to separate oneself from "their other half" may lead to actual separation while they try to figure that out.
No matter how close your twins are, remember that they're twins by chance but friends by choice. It's up to them to cultivate their relationship as they grow and figure out what that looks like to them as individual people.
Are your twins best friends? Did they grow apart as they grew up? Let us know in the Comments section below or connect with us on Instagram to share your thoughts!
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